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Not Like Real Egyptian

from Straight Outta Outta Darkness (2018) by Weird Alma

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Parody of “Walk Like an Egyptian” by The Bangles

See: http://www.mormonthink.com/book-of-abraham-issues.htm

The Book of Abraham is a work
of LDS scripture, don't you know
Translated by the Prophet Joe
He got it from some old mummy scroll

He claimed that it was written by
the very hand of that Abraham
But the experts say, oh hell no
The whole thing is just a lousy sham

Egyptologists say all of it's
way off, way off, oh way way off...
Not like real Egyptian

Those mummy scrolls, they
turned out to be just a funerary text
No Abraham, say it ain't so
It left many faithful Saints perplexed

Joseph also tried to translate
the pictures from off the scrolls he had
But the experts say, oh hell no
His translations all were really bad

How could he, a prophet be when it's
way off, way off, oh way way off...
Not like real Egyptian

"None of the characters on the papyrus fragments mentioned Abraham’s name or any of the events recorded in the book of Abraham. Mormon and non-Mormon Egyptologists agree that the characters on the fragments do not match the translation given in the book of Abraham... Scholars have identified the papyrus fragments as parts of standard funerary texts that were deposited with mummified bodies. These fragments date to between the third century B.C.E. and the first century C.E., long after Abraham lived."
-Translation and Historicity of the Book of Abraham, lds.org

Joseph also wrote his very own
Egyptian grammar and alphabet
Once again, the experts say, hell no
It's about as wrong as you could get

Now the church admits things aren't right,
but only barely acknowledges
And they must defend the Prophet Joe
So they call on their apologists

They'll say that Joseph saw the
pictures on the papyrus and then he
Let the inspiration start to flow
But that really strains credulity

It's all full of made-up bull and it's
way off, way off, oh way way off...
Not like real Egyptian
Not like real Egyptian


from Straight Outta Outta Darkness (2018), released December 19, 2017
Weird Alma: kazoo (2nd chair)




Weird Alma Walla Walla, Washington

What do you get when you combine an ExMormon with a singer/songwriter/humorist/parodist? An ExMormon singer-songwriter humorist parodist. Duh.

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