By Weird Alma (parody of "Greased Lightning" from Grease)
The Mormon Church is so dogmatic
It's really problematic
It can feel so traumatic
When they're gaslightin'
They'll make you question everything about your own sanity, oh yeah
(When you question, they make you question)
If something seems wrong that’s just the way it’s supposed to be, oh yeah
(It’s your problem, not the church’s problem)
If you point out something’s bad
Then they’ll say you must be mad
They’ll question your intent
While dismissing what you meant
Well, it's so gaslightin' with the things the Prophet Joe would do
(No seer stone, he didn’t use a seer stone)
But then they change the narrative and tell you that they always knew
(He used a seer stone, of course he used a seer stone)
It’s always been Orwellian
Holland said the missionary force would grow as God directed, oh yeah
But when it shrank, they had to say that was exactly as expected, oh yeah
You thought 2 plus 2 was 4?
Might not be that any more
'Cause when you start reprovin'
Those goalposts start a-movin'
(Tour of the new Church History Museum exhibit, "Transparency Through the Ages," with Elder Stephen L. Stichenbahtum.)
It was so gaslightin' when the Gospel Topic essays were done
(We used to say this stuff was anti-Mormon)
Now it's so gaslightin' when they're redefinin' "translation"
(When it says "translate," it doesn't mean "translate")
The things they twist
Sure make you pissed