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You'll Be Back (sung by Elder Ballard)

from Straight Outta Cumorah (2017) by Weird Alma

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YOU'LL BE BACK (sung by Elder Ballard)
Parody of "You'll Be Back" from Hamilton

See also: http://zelphontheshelf.com/answering-elder-ballard-why-and-where-we-go/

You say the church isn't true and you're planning on leaving today
You'll cry in your tea and your coffee while we watch you wither away
You'll be sad
with hours and hours every Sunday and nothing to do
It will drive you mad
with ten percent more of your income burdening you

You'll be back, wait and see
You will miss the pure misogyny
You'll be back, one of these days
And you'll help us keep on bashing gays
Temples rise and the growth rate falls
But we'll keep on building swanky malls
And if you just won't return
We will keep on bringing cookies to your house
until your bosom feels the burn

Da da da da daaaa

You say our doctrine's hateful and you can't abide
But you should just be grateful God's on our side
And we can't change the doctrine
'Cause it's eternal doctrine
But when we change the doctrine
We'll say that it's the doctrine
Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever

You'll be back, it'll be great
And you'll help us buy more real estate
You'll be back, just the same
with an asterisk beside your name
You'll have doubts, you'll have fears
We don't care as long as your check clears
And if you can't be cajoled
We will tell your friends and family
to avoid you till you come back to the fold

Da da da da daaaa, etc.

I mean, really, where will you go??

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from Straight Outta Cumorah (2017), released November 7, 2017

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Weird Alma Walla Walla, Washington

What do you get when you combine an ExMormon with a singer/songwriter/humorist/parodist? An ExMormon singer-songwriter humorist parodist. Duh.

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