DON'T BEAT IT
Parody of “Beat It” by Michael Jackson
See also: https://invisiblescubit.wordpress.com/2017/11/21/suicide-by-masturbation/
The bishop said, now that you’re turning twelve years old
A deacon interview, we will have to hold
So I said to myself, I'd better do what I’ve been told
And don’t beat it, don’t beat it
He could have asked about my spiritual state
How much compassion do I demonstrate?
But mostly he just said, you should never masturbate
Don’t beat it
I know you wanna real bad, but
Don’t beat it, don’t beat it
Pornographic smut, don’t read it
Don’t spank your monkey
Or polish your knob
Let your little factory
Do its own job
And don’t beat it, don’t beat it
Don’t beat it, don’t beat it
I told him I have tried as hard as I can
To not give in to urges like some worldly men
But it gets really hard, oh so much harder when
I don’t beat it, I don’t beat it
He said, now, trust me, I can truly understand
But you’ll be fine if you obey the Lord’s command
Just hold that iron rod in the palm of your hand
And don’t beat it
I know you wanna real bad, but
Don’t beat it, don’t beat it
When it’s getting hard, saltpete it
Don’t free your Willy
Or play the skin flute
Go to sleep only in your Sunday suit
And don’t beat it, don’t beat it
Your sperm is sacred, don’t deplete it
Don’t milk your lizard
Don’t charm your snake
Take a cold shower
And eat some Corn Flakes
But don't beat it
(guitar solo)
Don’t beat it, don’t beat it
If you get the urge, don’t feed it
Don’t pull your taffy
Don’t yank your crank
Put temple pictures
Inside your spank bank
And don’t beat it, don’t beat it
Your body's holy, don't mistreat it
Don't grease your sausage
Or play solo sax
And let me know all about your private acts
