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Countin' Up All My Christmas Cards

from Straight Outta Outta Darkness (2018) by Weird Alma

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lyrics

COUNTIN' UP ALL MY CHRISTMAS CARDS
Parody of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee

See: http://infantsonthrones.com/bah-humbug-the-dallin-h-oaks-christmas-card-mini-smackdown/

Countin’ up all my Christmas cards
And the number isn’t small
When you’re Apostle Dallin H. Oaks
That just goes along with the call

Countin’ up all my Christmas cards
But before I can say I'm done
I have to carefully analyze
The true worth of every one

I will get a Pharisaical feeling when I read.
If “Happy Holidays” is written,
Someone’s asking to be smitten

Countin’ up all my Christmas cards
They had better not include
“Seasons Greetings” or Heaven forbid,
Baby Jesus in the nude

When I read these cards that have no Christian sentiment
I’ll throw them out upon first sight
Like a gay couple who wants to stay the night

Countin’ up all my Christmas cards
Aren’t you glad you mailed one here,
So I could complain about what you sent?
How is that for Christmas cheer?

credits

from Straight Outta Outta Darkness (2018), released December 19, 2017
Weird Alma: silver bells

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Weird Alma Walla Walla, Washington

What do you get when you combine an ExMormon with a singer/songwriter/humorist/parodist? An ExMormon singer-songwriter humorist parodist. Duh.

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